Sacramento, CA – A new mandatory vaccination bill was introduced into CA legislature today that’s stirring a lot of emotional outbursts from liberals and conservatives alike. Proposed is Senate Bill 666 known as The Bullet Blocker which would make mandatory a vaccination to help build immunity to gun-shot wounds. Scientists that have been studying the vaccination conclude that if you are shot with a .22 caliber bullet, you are less likely to die of a larger caliber bullet striking you in the event of a terrorist attack, or mass shooting.
The genius scientist that developed this vaccine wished to remain anonymous but assures that Big Pharma will approve after they get their kickback, and released this statement about the new vaccine.
“Studies show that if you give yourself a papercut while simultaneously having a broken leg. The pain from the papercut will dull the pain from your leg. Shooting yourself with a smaller caliber bullet works exactly the same way. Just like your polio vaccine or anything else. Distracting yourself from a bigger problem with a smaller less significant problem, makes the bigger problem go away.”
The clinical trials were extensive. We couldn’t get any comment from individuals that concluded the first human tests due to death, or hospital confidentiality concerns. But we talked with some people outside a Sacramento hospital.
“With the Paris attacks, and now in San Bernardino something needs to be done about people getting shot, I’m glad the government is stepping in to keep people safe.” – Some Random Liberal
“I’ve been shot by a .22 a couple times hunting. I reckon I needn’t have this vaccination shoved on me by some fancy pants doctor.” – An Interjecting Conservative
Rumors have surfaced about local Wally World stores being the central hub for citizens to have their shots administered. With the governor urging all Californians to proceed to your nearest Wally World store for the initial .22 caliber shot. Then you will need to continue to get shots of increasing caliber until the last one, a .50 Caliber bullet is given about 4 months later. But that shot must be administered by at least an RN.
Proceed to your nearest Wally World and get shot. So that way if you get shot in the parking lot afterward on the way to the hospital, you have a higher chance of survival.
This article was written by James Job who also contributes to The Fifth Column News, and who will hopefully become a regular writer here at Unicorn World. James describes himself thusly…
Free thinker, Anti-Establishmentarian, and I write when I’m not drudging, skateboarding, or trolling.