I Don’t Like Guns But I Don’t Like Gun Control Either

Unraveling the bigger picture behind one of the most divisive issues in the modern world – guns and gun control.

It is not that I tried to become someone who holds ideas that piss off both sides of the normal conversation, but it usually turns out that way. This writing will be no different in these regards. Actually, I did try to become that someone. My bad. Or is it?

First we shall start with the easy part of this semi-automatic rant, since honestly I have nothing new to add here. There is no such thing as gun control. There is only a monopoly on guns by the same trigger happy robots that would be the ones to take other peoples guns away with even bigger ones. Those trigger happy robots are in the service of a type of organization, the state, which is responsible for the greatest share of death and destruction throughout human civilization.

Gun control advocates, though often well intended, are absurdly naive about what gun control means. They ascribe a terrifyingly naive literalism which allows them to somehow believe that guns are safe only in the hands of those who have most misused them historically.

I will not belabor why gun control is an irrational ideology constructed from fear without logical merit. It has already been done by many before me. I am looking much more forward to deconstructing the equally absurd beliefs of gun enthusiasts.

“Gun rights are not for preserving hunting, they are for protecting ourselves from an intrusive government.”

Cool story, bros. But guess what? The state has already trampled all over you. They steal from you and keep you under the perpetual threat of violence. They spy on you, prohibit your private healthcare decisions and essentially own your ass on paper.

What are you waiting for? Are the only rights you are willing to protect with your guns your gun rights? To what purpose? Just to have a gun so you can have a gun so you can have a gun? They can steal, threaten, spy and enslave you and you will chill on the revolutionary shit so long as they let you have your guns while they do it? Are you even listening to yourselves?

There is also the fact that the state has known weapons so massive and/or bizarre that your bullets are like engorged gnats to them. And that is just the shit we know about.

If guns against government was actually a thing, it would have been time to start about a century ago. That ship has sailed for good.

Man the fuck up and admit your gun obsession is a childhood fixation with shit that goes BOOM!

Most gun enthusiasts wear an air of grim pretension about their objects of obsession. Totally serious business stuff, guys. I find this fascinating since the BOOM archetype of boyish fantasy is so obviously present.

Now before you get your boxers in a bundle, hear me out. I fucking love heavy metal and horror movies and other things which are obviously holdover obsessions from my childhood. Everyone does this in one way or another. “Adult” is a social construct that only applies when it is defined during its usage. As a basic concept, it is meaningless. We are just all some old ass children and parts of us will always be dedicated to the hyperbolistic romances of our youth. Sometimes that means owning all of the original Ace-era KISS on vinyl, and sometimes it means having 19 firearms and getting a thrill out of that exhilarating violence they suggest.

And that is what a gun is, an artifact symbolic of pure violence. Even if you claim to keep it around for ‘peace’, the gun itself is an object of violence. It ain’t no good for nuthin’ else. Am I the only person who actually fucking listened to Lynyrd Skynyrd?

Your dopey ass public ammosexuality could actually be making guns more dangerous.

When you use your gun obsession to virtue signal masculinity in public, you embolden gun users in ways that can have deadly outcomes.

Recently a guy who was drunk wandered into what he mistook as his friends home. As he was showering a man came in, and thinking it was an intruder in his friends house, he threatened the man; even though his threats were pretty weak considering he was naked, wet and unarmed. That man was actually the homeowner. He left the house, grabbed a gun, and came back and shot the drunken shower interloper. Pure needless tragedy ensued.

Now this fella who did the shooting…it could be that he is a serious asshole who has just been waiting his whole life for a situation in which killing another human being seemed permissible. It could also just be that he thought he was doing the right thing because he lives in an echo chamber of masculinity virtue signals that validated and reinforced the idea of “self defense” to an absurd degree. A degree to which he honestly believed he was not only justified, but maybe even felt a bit heroic for killing a drunk, wet, naked man that was no clear threat to him.

And if so, he will be fucking haunted the rest of his life by that shit, whether he ends up in prison or walks free. Nothing can ever get that out of his mind so he has approximately two choices (besides deal with it rationally, which I try not to assume will just happen…ever) to deal with this.

Choice number one is to be destroyed by the violence. To feel regret and self-hatred and face a future full of depression and existential despair and become a danger to his own self.

The second choice is to roll with it and become the kind of guy who identifies himself according to his own history of and propensity for violence. He then becomes a danger to everyone else.

Now if we accept the narrative that I laid out, which is that his violence seemed justified and rational to him according to the worldview he is entwined in, then you can see how being so adamantly pro-gun in public might help push some people into unnecessary violence that none of us wants. Of course, I have no idea what his actual motivations were and my speculation here is just that. But it is based in basic logic and human psychology and is illustrative regardless of the facts none of has or may ever have about the intent involved in this tragedy.

Have you tried stealth mode?

My dad recently went hunting with a group of redneck bozos he knows. He was just going to spot for them. He said he knew that their trip was doomed the moment the camouflaged clowns hopped out of their high decibel exhaust truck, slammed the doors, and proceeded to squawk at each other like junior high girls at a whoever-the-current-equivalent-to-Justin-Beiber-is concert. And they continued their boisterous conversation right into the woods, where they must have assumed the spawn of Bambi and Helen Keller was just waiting for them to come pluck out effortlessly.

I don’t think you have to have any hunting experience to see the problem here. And this brings me to a lesson which gun owners may want to take to heart. There is another thing you probably obsessed over as a kid as you were playing army in the woods with your friends – stealth. Embrace that shit. Chill the fuck out and keep your boyish obsessions to yourselves, or at least don’t be surprised when your fanaticism scares people and makes them support radical anti-gun approaches.

Wait for it…

I have no interest in supporting any kind of monopoly of guns by the state. I am staunchly opposed to gun control. But guess what? Also fuck guns.

Yes, I said it. Fuck guns. Guns are lazy protection. There is nothing sporting about playing with the kinds of toys you can buy at Wal Mart. There is nothing grand or noble about guns or weaponry at all. We should be glad to evolve past that shit, not still be critically hung up on it as a key divisive issue of humanity.

If I could nod my head and wink away every modern weapon on the planet, I would. I would. I would do it in a heartbeat. We are far enough along socially and technologically that we should welcome the challenge of disarming threats without the barbaric violence of deadly weapons. And that will happen someday.

But also new technologies will eventually make guns and many modern weapons useless. Force shields and other future technologies will render ballistics obsolete. At that point you will throw your gun in the recycler and reuse the energy to recreate some kind of useful object like food or robotic sex dolls.

Swords to plowshares, bitchiz.

Time to evolve witchyo pew pew pew asses.

And that is the story of the story of how I pissed off both equally absurd sides of the gun narrative and then ended abruptly with a few awkward sentences that didn’t really seem to tie anything together. The. End.

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