So Many Problems – A Rant In the Key of Surrealist Agorism

surrealist agorism

Donald Swomp is an actor/filmmaker, musician, artist and writer who lives in Ohio. His surrealist outlook and DIY way of living compliment his transient lifestyle. Yet so entrenched are his glorious oddball ways that any attempt to edit them would do him an injustice. So I present his first submission to in its original form. -Joshua Scott Hotchkin (editor)

Information is in formation quicker than ever now. Daily, new gadgetry is being tested and tweaked. New philosophies make their way into our minds then hearts. Our computer assistants have helped us learn to soak them up faster than my mouth soaks up leftover beers in the morning. Articles about the true nature of the folks who consider themselves “in charge” of the planit are rampant and angry. Some of this information is revealing, inspiring, uninspiring, heavily exaggerated, misled, not seeing the big picture, and/or flat out false. The articles are numerous and the titles are compelling -someone wants to make a few pennies from their advertiser off of your precious click. This charade, sold to us as information-heaven, is disappointing. People are literally dying to get out of it. A binary (yes/no) style of thinking is no longer satisfactory. We must take a step back.

Existence (historically) has been a pretty pitiful thing, aside from the legendary time “before the fall” that we’ve all been sold, or the “hereafter” that also costs money to hear about.Once in a while, some divine madman comes along, seems to be the bridge/the ridge, who truly brings heaven to earth, and is then worshipped as a god, like Jesus, Wonder Woman, Superman. These agents have no intent to be warshipped in such a way(or do they? [1]), but oh the people feel so compelled! They love to idolize! And unwittingly i-dull-eyes. The idols are idle – all my statues do not do anything at night, Ben Stiller! Being a statue is not the ideal, it is the idoll. We all want the doll-ours, though, to be cursed dolls ourselves, to be perfect little crystals that never move. That’s not what we are built for! Or is it? [2]

The fear is not here to crush us into pitiful oblivion – that is secretly impossible. The point is to embrace and eat the fear and grow correspondingly. Or you’re welcome to not! My preferred response to “The Government Does Not Necessarily Have Your Best Interest In Mind” is “Do Something About It”. That doesn’t mean complain on social media. There’s way too much of that that goes on, fueling the mass-attitude of nihilism, reductionism, and depression that is prevalent in social media. Again, Alex Jones and David Icke get paid well to keep you their captive audience. Assimilate information, move along with your life. Don’t stand on the staircase – this is but a path, but a means, NOT an end.

On the other hand, we’ve got the spirit gurus, who seem to have it all figured out. [3] They always talk the things so nice, harping “love and light, brothers and sisters”, telling you “the best practices for a happy life”. Although there are benefits to yoga, kombucha, organic food, spiritual lessons are not assimilated well when I yell at my students from the top of my staircase about how everyone needs to wake up. I would only deter people from finding for themselves what I have found. Since religious experiences are highly personal, indescribable, and exceedingly profound, it’s best to just lead the other horses to your water and not try to drown them in jargon and healing crystal properties. Stand on whatever stair they’re on. Stare into their eyes on their same stair. Don’t end up in the psych ward. [4]

Stairatyouality> spirituality

I’d rather stare at it then spear it! At least, until I learn to see things, as opposed to looking at things. I’m not going to poke holes until I know what to fill them in with. You don’t call a donut jelly filled if there’s a hole with no jelly in it. Donuts are holy. Anyways.

Absolute Truth must be unlearned, or at least balanced by its eternal lover, Absolute Bullshit. When I dance with both at the same time, I at first become paralyzed, confused, cognitive dissonance shuts me down. I change the channel, scroll away to safety, stick with the program that worked before. This is a way of coping, this is a part of the breaking down of the old program. This is how we climb the obstacle.

Stop believing things. “Belief is the death of intelligence” – Robert Anton Wilson [5]

Now, there are plenty of things that certainly seem to be true!

Trust your friends! But question their facts. Don’t try to have the answer, but don’t take their word for it either, or mine! Questions do a lot more for us then answers. Answers are usually estimated, fudged, rounded off, imperfect summaries of that amazing question. There’s an infinite combination of ways to plant a garden, build a house, write a song. Who decides the correct answer of what a house is? Who seems more satisfied: the bums warming each other under a tarp & happily drinking the vodka bottle we have saved up for, or the mansion man who would wants to shotgun myself in my own face before going to work tomorrow? Who cares? All of this stuff is alive. None of this stuff is mine.

Chances are, you think of yourself as alive. Now, imagine your hand was cut off. Are you still alive, or is that hand alive? Continue to divvy up your whole body into simply its parts, as many as you can imagine, and imagine them scattered across a field. Is it alive? Which part of it is the alive? You? What is you? All of it? The blood? The brain?

You are a collection of cells miraculously working together, dancing to the tune of an ancient code, likely similar to mine. It says hands hair skin stomach testicles/ovaries buttholes feet lips teeth and innumerable, indescribable reactions and components that simply do what they do with minimal input on my part. They handle a lot more than “I” could, except wait it is totally me doing that thinking, breathing, is it? Plants are the same, they just do what they do, and we love it. Minerals and metals are no different, they are also necessary allies in our grand real illusion. Their environments stimulate them and a response is produced. I do the same thing. The ancient word for these “particular behaviors” was “doemons”, it simply means “way”, like do-e-mons. All we study at school is observed behaviors, no? All we study at school is doemons, no?

To believe these doemons “aren’t as conscious as me” makes me sound kind of arrogant. I bet I think I’m more alive than my dog, too. Ironically, I treat my dog better than most people treat me. The dog, with all of his pitiful begging-for-scraps, is the king, he pays no rent, he is fed and sheltered simply because he loves me. Wish I had a gig like that! Funny how I long to be a part of something that I myself am facilitating.

One by one, we must become our own kings and queens. Stop playing the massmaster game. You’re watching an evil puppet show. They want you to polarize, oh so badly they want you to give a damn about them – they feed off of it. They don’t want you talking to your neighbors about which plants we should all grow this summer, they don’t want you making your own wine, they don’t want you figuring out how to be independent of them. In reality, you should go talk to those neighbors. Give them gifts. Put in the gardens for them. Its easy, fun, and it feels really good to get covered in dirt. The people will see the truth behind your eyes and they will reciprocate. If you want to dissolve the evil power structures, you can’t yell at them. I mean you can, but they feed on that, they love it, so I do not recommend it. You have to make real networks, with real people, at home and abroad, who are really near you either in thinking or proximity, who are interested in doing what you are doing. Find the others, unite with them, overthrow the city, start doing things the way you know they could be done. Google will literally tell you the physical steps to getting out of corporate control, purifying water, growing food. I will tell you it all begins with friendship, stories, buying the next round, community building, mutually beneficial dependence as opposed to the late-night-tv-ad independence we are sold. Cold bureaucracy and bank accounts should be the means, not the end. A loving approach to technology will render functional anarchy (and-our-key) possible in our lifetime. The state will become the empty chrysalis, and we will be the butterflies, dancing carelessly and carefully from flower to flower.

Words are powerful, combining them is actual magic, that’s how the dollar tricked us all. Myths are powerful. They are the made up story answers that describe the answerless. We are built to love them, be they Jesus or Superman, and they exist on a different level than we do, but they depend on us in the same way we depend on molecules and stuff. If you aren’t writing the myths for yourself and your people, you had better consistently question the intentions of whoever wrote them for you, lest ye find yourself mindlocked and brainwashed up on the shore, surely, shorely.

My friend and I just finished our first batch of home made wine, it cost five bucks to make five damn whole gallons. It is delicious, a fun art project that you could call work. Could I sell this wine? Yes! Do I want to? No, I want to share it with my neighbors and friends.


[1] H.P. Blavatsky ‘The Theosophical Review’
[2] R.U. Sirius ‘Transcendence
[5] Robert Anton Wilson – ‘Cosmic Trigger 1

Donald Swomp is a writer, a wronger, a singer, and a songer who stomps from the swamp south of the Great Lakes. He likes to eat stuff that grows near where he goes to the bathroom and make wildflowers into wine. He works to remove the A from Agnostic and wants to get all our towns to not be so poisoned. He doesn’t think death is that big of a deal since reality is a hall of mirrors. “You see… he lives in you” –Rafiki, The Lion King

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